Monday, August 08, 2011
Straight From The Foul Cabinet: The Creep Chronicles
I’ve done some very confusing and hurtful things to women in my unenlightened days. I’m not proud of my past behavior but those things happened and in a strange way they contributed to me being the outstanding man that I am today. This is one tale of lust and stupidity I pulled straight from the foul cabinet.
Once upon a time I was very popular on MySpace. Before Face book came along and made it its bitch I was very active in the online community which ran my friend count into the hundreds. Being considered interesting was advantageous especially with the ladies and I definitely availed myself to a few of them. One lady in particular that I became smitten with named Nyesha impressed me in a very big way. She made my heart smile, she lit my fire and my internal furnace blazed unabated. She had the right combination of sexy and funny, which led my feeble mind to believe she might be the one. She lived in Atlanta, I was in D.C., but I was to love sick to consider that an obstacle. We talked on the phone, yahooed, webcammed and made periodic trips. All was good on the planet of Jason until I met Rain.
Rain was a different kind of sexy, strikingly beautiful, statuesque, alluring, and unapologetically afrocentric. She moved me in an entirely different direction and we started to communicate regularly. Casual instant messaging turned into phone sex which turned into sexual webcam sessions, ultimately leading to us planning to meet. And of course all of this was going on without my girlfriend’s knowledge. I knew it was wrong like most people do when they’re doing some dumb shit but my lack of self control motivated me to believe that I had to get me a taste of Rain so off to Chicago I flew.
The plane landed and I opened my eyes from the deep meditation I was in from praying to God that this not be a man I flew all this way to see. I made my way through the terminal, exited O’Hare airport to the pick-up area where, to my visual satisfaction stood a tall, almond complexioned, full lipped, afro-wearing, soul sister. She looked exactly like she did on her MySpace page, only sexier because she was there in the flesh.
She hugged me tightly, pressing her soft breasts against my chest; I exploded inside just from the sound of her voice in person alone. She had her son with her and that made my guilt deepen knowing that I had to bond with her son for the short time I was going to be there. My sole purpose for the visit was to conquer her land not to meet people that meant anything to her. She lived 30 minutes from the airport in a suburb of Chicago named Waukegan and during the drive all I could think about was smashing. I thought about how her lips felt (all 4 of them), what I would do first, how long it was going to take before I hit, smacking it, flipping it and rubbing it down, oh yes!
We stopped for lunch before we went to the hotel that I booked for the weekend. Throughout lunch we were giving one another dirty looks and speaking in sexual code so her son wouldn’t catch on to what we were talking about, I was happy because we seemed to be on the same sleazy page. We finished lunch and as we exited the restaurant I grabbed her ass on some ownership shit, she turned, looked back at me and gave me the naughtiest look I’ve ever seen. I smiled and thought—this is about to be good.
We arrived at the hotel, checked in and once we got in the room she turned on cartoons for her son to watch, pulled me into the hallway and proceeded to attack me, which caught me off guard. I became embarrassed and kept thinking that somebody was going to pass us going to the ice machine and catch us with our pants down. That didn’t happen but I knew at that point this chick was no joke and I may possibly be in over my head.
Meanwhile, I was thinking of a good lie to tell my girlfriend. With her being in Atlanta and me in D.C., we talked on the phone every night without fail, so what could I possibly tell her that was believable enough to get out of talking to her tonight. While I pondered over acceptable lies to tell my girl, the woman who was the partner in my deceit left to take her son somewhere so when she returned we would be alone.
After going over several lies in my head, I decided I’d tell her that I was visiting a friend in Richmond and his car broke down and we were stuck on the highway waiting for roadside assistance and I won’t be able to talk tonight. After hesitating a few more minutes, I pushed send on my phone. She answered, I told her what I rehearsed and she bought it like I figured she would.
Throughout all of this I felt like shit, but my desire to smash this girl overpowered any guilt I was feeling at the time. I sat in the room for another half hour foolish and selfish but too horny to care. When Rain arrived, she stripped naked and started looking at herself in the mirror, then she got on her hands and knees and started shaking her ass in the same mirror, which was really weird and I became a bit frightened. She looked at me and said “Why you got those boxers on?” I took them off and she pounced on me like a lion pounces on an antelope.
I wanted to ease into it, but apparently she didn't, because she took me in her mouth so fast and hard that it didn’t feel good like mouth love is supposed to. I thought, I guess she doesn’t listen to Mary J. Blige because she really needs to “slow it down” right now. She must have felt my body tense up because she relaxed and once she did---we got down, we got grooving, we put in work, we got our bodies moving. It was some legendary shit going on in room 117; it was everything I hoped it would be. After we were done and I lay blissful in an ecstasy filled haze, I realized, counting the price of the plane ticket and hotel fees, this was one expensive booty call. Damn!
As time went on, I lost more and more interest like dog ass dudes tend to do when they just wanted sex from the jump. In my mind I was ready to leave but I had to be there another day and a half, it became clear that all the excitement I felt when we first met was just infatuation and lust.
Around the same time as my epiphany she starts to pressure me about us being in a relationship. She was really pushy and that pissed me off, I don’t like being pushed. I need adequate time to make a decision. To make matters worse, my dumb ass allowed her to take pictures of us together in bed totally unaware of the diabolical plan that she had in her head.
She was incorrigible because throughout the weekend she kept asking me about her and I being a couple, of course, I had no intention of being exclusive with this chick. She continued pressuring me until we arrived at the airport for my return flight home. I gave her some excuses about needing more time; she became exasperated and left abruptly.
Suddenly, I had a climatic movie moment when flashbacks of the previous events go through the main character’s head and everything finally come together at the end. It dawned on me that her goal was to make me her man before I left. She took those pictures as proof of me being there and sadly, I was a willing accomplice in her plan. I thought I was doing the playing but I got played and in light of this revelation I prepared for the inevitable. By the time I touched down in D.C. I was getting crazy calls and pain-filled voice messages from my girlfriend about the pictures she received in her email showing me in the bed with some chick, not being able to make up anything that would get me out of this, I hesitantly returned her calls and the ensuing fall out would require another blog post.